they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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