We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
