He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i think my cat just said my name.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
