I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
