I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
