I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
