She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
