so that wasnt chicken after all
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
