At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
where are my eyebrows?
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