Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
