Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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