So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
