All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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