I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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