Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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