I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
