I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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