I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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