just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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