I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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