My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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