It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
