After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
