Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
