I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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