Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
