I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
