Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
