So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
