We named our party play list daddy issues
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
