Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
