dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
