well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
