so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
