"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
