3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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