No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
