It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
