all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize