I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Let's paint friendship bongs
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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