Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
