HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
