So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
