I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
