My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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