First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
