you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
being pregnant is like rehab
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
