the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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