That's when you crack a 10am beer
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
