YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
is it fun? or sober?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
