The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
no you cant smoke seaweed
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
