If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
