I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
