If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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