Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
