I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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