why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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