Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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