he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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