I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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