this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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