don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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