Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
