Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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