We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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