i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Randomize
