hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you would pick up someone in the library
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
