question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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