she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
