I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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